I read the other day, with interest, about the arrest of several people (about twenty) in Ontario for the distribution of child pornography; one in Peterborough where i used to live, several in Brampton which isn't too far from where i live now. The article went on to say there were 150,000 people in Ontario identified (through internet usage stats) as looking at child pornography on a regular basis. I don't understand why we can't do something about that, but that's a whole 'nother story.
The mystery of sexual attraction often eludes social boundaries and taboos and, of course, it evolves over time. "Date" rape is now taboo but unheard of in my mother's day.
The hurtful, painful, life-destroying experience of adult-child sexuality now attempts to legitimize itself through such organizations as NAMBA (association of man-boy love or whatever) but i can never figure out why perpetrators don't GET how they are truly destroying their victim's capacity for healthy emotional development and that they wreak havoc on their victims' adult sexual experiences, their mental well-being and their chances for fulfilling relationships - all this by ripping their innocence away.
Sustained child sexual abuse vs. an encounter? There is a difference in intensity of experience, i know that, but elements of the undermining effects are in every situation.
Child sexual abuse will take it's toll on relatioinships, employment, family life. It will be the measuring stick against which future relationships will be developed and pursued and it disrupts or even destroys a persons' ability to set healthy boundaries, opening the door for future abuse. Not to mention the fact that the abused often become abusers.
What is "normal" sexuality? It has nothing to do with orientation but everything to do with good, healthy feelings and responses. It's normal when it's not painful, or demeaning, or debilitating, or humiliating, or perverted, or physically disgusting or twisted.
I despise the man who abused me. I hate what he took from me. I hate that i still have to live the experience over and over and over. As if we didn't suffer enough back then, PTSD sufferers, (because of flashbacks) get to relive it, experience it and see it all happen again.
Tonight, i will pray for innocence, the return of innocence. I will watch over my grandchildren and praise the gift of innocence. I will pledge myself to it, encourage it and protect it.
4 comments:
There is something in us, I think, that remains ever innocent, regardless of how often the soul is stained by others...Something that began as innocent and pure, that insists on our essential goodness...as Matthew Fox wrote, "We do not enter the world as blotches on existence, as sinful creatures. We burst into the world as orginal blessings."
Layers of dust, mounds of lost memories of innocence, pounding hearts of fear lead us away from that burst but i see it, i see it in my grandchildren - in all the kiddies in the world and in the vacant faces of adults who can't believe their innocence is still there. Thank you for your thoughts!
myposttraumaticpath.blogspot.com is very informative. The article is very professionally written. I enjoy reading myposttraumaticpath.blogspot.com every day.
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thank you for your comments. I seem to have set the wrong settings and never see comments!! I appreciate your thoughts. Sincerely, heather
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