POST TRAUMATIC PATHS

February 24, 2009

i'm folly. i did it. i took the wrong road, i turned left, i wandered off to the side, i stopped for tea too much. Now, i want not to take a tug to sea and travel (uninsured) to some new shore. I love to see (thank you), but now i want to watch by sound, by stroke, by nod, by way of a rocky road by way of the chickadees laying low.

May i? Sneep.

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About Me

i was diagnosed with chronic and complex PTSD and Major Depressive Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder in 2004. Required annual assessments for my insurance company confirm the original diagnosis. My M.D. is my constant medical support.

I am fifty-six; have a sweet family which includes my daughter and her partner and their three GORGEOUS children.

My life (since age nine) has been informed by several traumas, all of them yukky. Over time, "yuk" became my only viewpoint. In 2004, a new trauma cracked me open and there i was, surprised to find myself in "Never, Never (again will i have my old life back) Land". A nervous "breakdown", if you will; a major depressive episode requiring hospitalization.

It became clear to me that untreated PTSD is MISERY and HELL and i was living it. With a diagnosis under my belt, seeing few alternatives for treatment, I chose medication and talk therapy. Talk therapy didn't work out for me but my meds (and supports) hold me together. I continue with symptoms on a daily basis, some severe but i have made adaptations because of my illness for a better quality of life. I had almost, almost lost my mind - i never want to experience that again. and i do everything (except commit suicide) to prevent it from happening.

This is my Post-Traumatic path - to discover "me", behind all of "it". It would be nice if "it" had never happened but a life's to be lived in whole, not in part .