POST TRAUMATIC PATHS: O, Lucky Me

November 22, 2010

O, Lucky Me

I have seen ten psychiatrists since my breakdown
First - intake assessment by Dr. O
Second - follow-up appt. - relief for Dr. O., Dr. Too nice (wanted me to go in hospital)
Third - Dr. Grrrrr who slapped the wrong label on me
Fourth - Dr. "Rude Enough" at Crisis Clinic
Five - Dr. Nice Lady - wrote 12 pg. assessment for insurance company. Apparently i 'presented' with stains on my shirt. Everyone laughed about that because i don't really have a shirt without stains on it. I'm a magnet, as they say!
Six - Dr. "Hey Lady - You're sick"!
Seven - Dr. "What's your name again"
Eight - Dr. Yada Yada Yada; relief for Dr. "What's your name again"
Nine - T.B.A. as soon as possible (i've moved and my file must move with me to the new region). Yahoo!! Wheeeeee!

My neighbor (our backyards touch) and I were chatting about our gardens as we usually do. I ask about her father because she is caring for him and i know how hard that can be. She asks about the grandkids. She loves children but has none. One day, she got around to asking what was wrong with me. I drew a complete blank from her when explaining PTSD, so i stuck with 'depression' and anxiety. Her response: "Oh, yeah, like we all get". I interpreted that as it sounds and changed the subject, wishing later i'd said - "yeah, except you don't have to take fourteen pills a day to deal with it". Mostly i just tell people i'm retired. The usual response to that is "O, lucky you".

Yup, Lucky me.

3 comments:

Jaliya said...: ... this reminds me of a comment I received from an old acquaintance I hadn't seen in years, after I told her about how long I had been ill and away from work: "Wow! It must feel like being on vacation, eh?"

I like the "retired" idea ... I'd never thought of that ...

About Dr. Stain-On-Your-Shirt ... Geez, the grandmother of three presents with a stain on her shirt! Quick! -- to the rubber room with you!

xoxo; Tuesday, November 23, 2010 12:03:00 a.m.
heather ann said...: you kill me...i mean, slay me. No,No - bowl me over. Yeah, that's it!
hehehehe; Tuesday, November 23, 2010 11:49:00 a.m.
Jaliya said...: IT'S ... TOO MUCH!
;-D

P.S. Luverly new blog design ... So glad you're writing again
:-); Wednesday, November 24, 2010 6:36:00 p.m.

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About Me

i was diagnosed with chronic and complex PTSD and Major Depressive Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder in 2004. Required annual assessments for my insurance company confirm the original diagnosis. My M.D. is my constant medical support.

I am fifty-six; have a sweet family which includes my daughter and her partner and their three GORGEOUS children.

My life (since age nine) has been informed by several traumas, all of them yukky. Over time, "yuk" became my only viewpoint. In 2004, a new trauma cracked me open and there i was, surprised to find myself in "Never, Never (again will i have my old life back) Land". A nervous "breakdown", if you will; a major depressive episode requiring hospitalization.

It became clear to me that untreated PTSD is MISERY and HELL and i was living it. With a diagnosis under my belt, seeing few alternatives for treatment, I chose medication and talk therapy. Talk therapy didn't work out for me but my meds (and supports) hold me together. I continue with symptoms on a daily basis, some severe but i have made adaptations because of my illness for a better quality of life. I had almost, almost lost my mind - i never want to experience that again. and i do everything (except commit suicide) to prevent it from happening.

This is my Post-Traumatic path - to discover "me", behind all of "it". It would be nice if "it" had never happened but a life's to be lived in whole, not in part .