I'm coming home

Hi! Click on title for video, performed by my partner's nephew and girlfried.

Moving to a new city is sooooo stressful. Doctors, healthcare, specialist, Health Card, Regional Health access model. Finding myself around town. Building relationships with the neighbors sufficient enough to be able to offer a hearty hello and not much further. Isn't that awful?? i have been trying to change my feelings about that (the not liking people thing) but it is truly against my current best interests to not look into it too much right now. Otherwise i get depressed and that completely blocks me and i am a drag when it comes to depression.

But i've done most of it (moving, that is), with a few incidences but many more accomplishments! My basic needs are met and there is enough variety around me to get anything i might need or want. My "love" needs are met with family near by and living with Ross and all that. We have been together for five years and during all this time, he has never said an unkind word to me. I'm so blessed considering how i operated in this realm prior to my breakdown. I was unable to make more than a two year commitment to pretty much enything - relationship (other than daughter), work, home. As well, i seemed intent on repeating the past with violent encounters with men.

Also, people want to know -

"...so, how did you get PTSD.

"O, well, you know - i had some trauma!!!"

I insanely want to protect myself from meeting and/or getting into relationship with new people. You know, in case they keep asking that question.

I guess that brings me back to "moving to new city is not easy". I want to say "i'm coming home, too". Sometimes (blush) desperately. It is the first thing that breaks down for me when i start losing it.

"Help. I have no home", even though i do actually have one.