....or thought, emotion, behavior....or emotion, behavior, thought.
PTSD is, to me, primarily an EMOTIONAL disorder made manifest by the BEHAVIORS of having difficulties in establishing meaningful relationships, expressing misplaced anger or rage responses inappropriately, agoraphobic fears of small places, open spaces, who's behind, what's ahead, alienation with family, making poor (sometimes disastrous, panicked) decisions with money, difficulty with maintaining employment, lack of proper boundaries - getting too close, too soon; stung by flashbacks without warning, triggers lurking everywhere; needing regular recuperation time - three or four months at a time. So tired. Sleep. No panic. Sleep. no fear. Sleep, won't think.
PTSD is, to me, an emotional, behavioral and MENTAL DISORDER collapsing emotion and behavior into one mental quagmire involving memory lapses and flashes and flaws and monster rationalizations. To go out now, i ask: how do i get out of this? Why did that happen way back then? How is justice delivered? Will "so and so" help me fill out my tax forms? Will they please stop calling my short term memory loss "cute". Why can i recite a Shakespearean sonnet i learned in high school and now not be able to read for ten minutes? Why can i write these words but never could write case notes or do statistics O, sigh.
PTSD is, to me, A PAIN IN THE ASS.
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