Basically whacked

I have been going through a blender with regards to the "breakup".  The most touted line in history must be:  'i wish i'd never met him/her'.  I was reading a piece on Meghan Fox who described the end to a recent relationship that was so painful, she still could hardly speak about it!  Two years long, she'd suffered.  God, have mercy. 

i seem to have been depressed ever since i saw Dr. B. on Monday a.m.  Sometimes he tells the truth - i hate it when doctors do that!! but as far as the "breakup" - all will follow its natural course.....life will prevail.  I will start with loving myself and see how that goes.

None of what i'm going through makes sense.  But this is not the time to be thinking  My immune system is in bad shape. i've lost interest in food, friends, going out, talking, relating,  bathing (highly over-rated), hair is almost totally grey now, haven't had it styled for almost two years.  Even spiritually, i feel like a dry leaf flying down the street - aimless and useless.  Plus, i'm deaf (cold) and i can't hear any conversation which is a drag but in this house, it is a total blessing (three children under eight).  I just smile and watch them fight!  Wheeeeeee - what fun as one kicks the other, the next one screams, the other one cries for dinner and over and over.  And the funny part is, the way my budget is, i will NEVER be able to move away!!  I think i'll invest in earplugs.  Lots of seniors will be moving in with their kids and the kid's kids - well, this is why the young have babies!! 

BTW - i lost eighty lbs. and i didn't even get a carrot stick from the doctor!  (I met his goal in 11 months).  But now, i have no energy and my anger has no place to go but IN (leading to depression); very low affect.  Want to sleep all the time.  No energy.  Confused.  Basically whacked.