i do not want to go to therapy as i'm probably making clear and there is this feeling that life has been taken out of my hands and placed in someone else's!  Is this what i'm supposed to learn?  That being with God/de is like that and i should learn over and over how to do that.  I'm very poor and i've made the same  mistakes that i made before which also left me without any resources.  I'm sad about it but why is it happening again?  I don't understand that one.  I haven't learned the lesson, i guess. 

I feel very discombobulated by everything that's happened and confused about what parts i want to share.

i know that i'm not sure about tomorrow and the sun rising and all that but i'll stick around the see the outcome!  I promise to stick around!